


21st Century Vampire

by yoimwriting



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Asexual Raphael Santiago, Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Clan Leader Raphael Santiago, M/M, POV Raphael Santiago, POV Second Person, Platonic Raphael Santiago/Simon Lewis, Raphael Santiago Backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 07:36:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12127659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoimwriting/pseuds/yoimwriting
Summary: Being a vampire is nice once you get used to it because the other option is getting fried under the sun but that’s another train of thought he doesn’t want to get into.Again, being a vampire is nice. There’s a silver lining to it, just like any other thing. You can go to the cinema in the night and it’s known that in the night there are not as much people as in the other hours of the day; you can go partying until your heart’s content, which means until the party is over. There are a lot of activities in the night that a vampire can enjoy





	21st Century Vampire

**Author's Note:**

> My take on how Raphael sees what happened to him throughout both seasons and his story. 
> 
> This could be part of the Saphael Week? Kinda? I guess? Not really sure
> 
> Not beta read.
> 
> Enjoy!

Being a vampire is nice once you get used to it because the other option is getting fried under the sun but that’s another train of thought he doesn’t want to get into.

Again, being a vampire is nice. There’s a silver lining to it, just like any other thing. You can go to the cinema in the night and it’s known that in the night there are not as much people as in the other hours of the day; you can go partying until your heart’s content, which means until the party is over. There are a lot of activities in the night that a vampire can enjoy.

And it’s not like Raphael didn’t enjoy that kind of activities, he’d seen it and many of the Clan have told him and he’s glad that part of them are enjoying this undead life, at least the younger ones.

They are the 21st Century Vampire. Maybe in a few years that could be a thing.

The point remains: being a vampire is _nice_ and he wishes that was kind of thinking when he was turned. Unfortunately, that wasn’t his case and he owns so much to Magnus because he is sure he wouldn’t be alive or, you know, _undead_ if it wasn’t for his magical friend.

In his 90 years of his undead life, there are a few things he regrets:

The first one

Being turned because no 15 year old deserves to be turned; there’s no choice for that and it doesn’t matter how these new writers want to put it, the truth is **There’s no way you want to be a vampire**. Being cold 24/7, trying and trying to placate the need to bite someone and if you are not careful enough, you could kill someone, knowing you will never see the sun again and the night is your companion for eternity, being told you are a monster even when you are already thinking it, the need to kill yourself under the sun because that’s the fastest way to end the misery of becoming a monster. It’s an endless loop.

Raphael got lucky; he knows he did because Magnus was there for him and teach him the way to acceptance. That, yes, being a vampire it’s a brutal change for someone so young but you can learn to live with it and be somewhat happy. Raphael learned that and he is grateful now because that let him know Magnus, Ragnor, Catarina and be currently the Leader of the New York Vampire Clan.

It’s a title that he is proud of.

The second one

His family. Not having enough time to say goodbye to all of them. His dear mother, who left everything to give a better life for him and his brothers and sisters; who died thinking he just left while he was watching from afar because he was a danger for them, who was too weak to appease his hunger.

His family deserved to know where he was but he just couldn’t do it, not when he was a danger even for himself.

Magnus says that with the passing of the years it gets difficult to remember the people you met but for him his family is etched in his mind. He still can remember his mother cooking in their little kitchen while he was helping her or when he was watching the little ones, he can still remember her beautiful voice singing while baking in the weekends.

90 years after and he still misses all of them.

The third one

Camille Belcourt.

She is the one that deserves to be call a monster and the fact that for her, the New York Clan has a bad reputation is something he can’t forgive, for that he works everyday to get to the position where the Clan was an important faction before Camille came a fucked it all up.

He regrets not killing her before and he regrets it more that he didn’t kill her when she was in the coffin because he is pretty sure everything that happened after was because of her.

He also regrets being at her beck and call, his “assistant” because the name as her second hand was a joke. She always took the decisions all by herself and the Clan had to suffer the consequences. He had to suffer greatly for her messes.

One of her messes is his fourth regret.

Isabelle Lightwood

How he ended up tangled with her, he is still trying to figure that out.

How he ended up thinking he could have a relationship with someone who killed a great part of his Clan for saving a mundane, it’s still lost to him.

He knows Camille was just having fun with Simon but still to this day, his Clan, those vampires that were killed didn’t deserve it. Simon wasn’t worth it. And still, the Shadowhunters came to his house, killed and then they were gone and who had to face the consequences? Him, Raphael because his currently leader at that point was away. Camille’s plan was a flop and then she just was gone.

The best leader. Of course she was.

The worst part was that no Shadowhunter, not even Isabelle (the one who looked more sympathetic) went to the hotel to at least say a pathetic apology. No, because Shadowhunters just do what they deem to be correct. But for them. The Downworlders can suck it up.

So, it’s a surprise, even for him, that he just forgot all of that to help her out on her drug addiction.

He laughs at the thought, bitterly because he wanted to be a good Catholic, help someone out and how he ended up? Ah, yes. Being addicted to Angel blood.

Being called a monster. Again.

Because at the eyes of the Shadowhunters he was the one to get Isabelle addicted to yin fen. He. The one who was trying to help her.

The worst part that in that recycling addiction they got going on, he told her things he didn’t tell anyone. He trusted her. He even introduced her to his sister.

And how she repays him? Using his sister as a way to make Simon look good.

He doesn’t know if that was really her aim but there were other ways, not to use the only family he still has.

And what happened then? Being called a monster. Again.

By Simon Lewis.

His fifth regret.

Imagine helping someone to be comfortable in his skin, just like Magnus did with him, helping him to get acquaintance with his new powers, helping him train just for that someone to stab him in the back.

How far can you go for a crush? Simon can answer that. Yes, betray the man who gave you shelter when no one was willing to give you. Betray the only one who really thought about you, the one that help you control the hunger and the new powers.

Yes, throw that all away just to help the girl that would never love you just like you love her.

It wasn’t even a love story and Raphael has seen a lot of those in his 90 years.

Simon was head over heels with Clarissa Fairchild that he was blind to the bigger picture. She used the connection Simon had with the Clan to get inside the hotel and freed Camille, not to mention Camille was the one to turned Simon. So, Clarissa was that selfish that she couldn’t even think about what she was doing? To Simon? To the Clan? To the Downworld?

Hell, he could have helped her if she’d asked better. He is not one to let a mother die, she could have helped her, that’s for sure but again, it has to be the Shadowhunter way, not the logical one.

So, Raphael had to suck it up.

And Simon was caught in the middle of the crossfire, chose a side and then he was out of the Clan.

Out of Raphael’s life.

Love is not something that happens to a vampire, despite what these new writers in this century want to say. Love is an odd thing, even more when you have eternity.

To have someone who really completes you, that gets you, is really difficult.

To have someone that really gets that sex is not on your priority list, is fucking hard.

That’s why he really thought Isabelle could be that someone but then again, there’s a background he can’t ignore anymore and you can’t build a relationship based on drugs. That’s not the way.

With all that piled up, eternity gets lonely. So, when Simon came with those puppy dog eyes, his smile and clumsy self, Raphael felt a spark.

That maybe he could share eternity with someone, that maybe he finally found what Magnus found with Alec Lightwood.

That maybe, just maybe he could be comfortable with someone.

But, again, it wasn’t for him.

Simon was his fifth mistake but the mistake that he loved.

But really, being a vampire is… Nice

**Author's Note:**

> This took a sad turn, I don't know how but I really like how it ended.
> 
> Tell me your thoughts. I take constructive criticism!
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr @iactlikegarfieldonamonday


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